losing IT at nautilus teachings

the first time we try
anything new
we begin to grow
from first breath
we are thrust
into this cold
judgemental
dog eat dog world
but
we
don’t
KNOW
that,
we
LEARN
that.
turn on any television,
radio station or
sign on to any social media site
and you will hear
about conflict
murder
war
abuse…
no one ever agrees
someone always has another opinion
arguing is entertainment…
it’s like in the movie
the Grinch who stole Christmas
when he was talking
about the people of Whoville
celebrating christmas,
“oh the noise, noise, NOISE, NOISE…
sher learned at a very young age
silence was like a
warm chocolate chip cookie
straight from the oven.
her tiny ears
had heard so much hate
spoken,
felt filthy hands
hurting,
witnessed
her parents tremendous pain…
had known and lived
through her own…
so,  lying in the grass
on a crisp fall evening
with a guy
who seemed interested
in her,
who was kind
and funny,
or opening a letter
from another boy
who was curious
about who she was
and liked that she made him smile…
was all new and sher,
for the first time,
felt a type of love
she had never experienced
and it scared her.


the letters from
BHBEG#1
(blonde haired, blue eyed guy #1!)
arrived ever other week.
this is how they were dating,
exchanging their life stories
in words
through snail mail.
the anticipation of it
kept sher smiling inside,
it’s like meg ryan in you’ve got mail
when she is secretly communicating
with tom hanks via email,

Subject: RE: Brinkley
Date: 9/16/98 7:28:50 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: Shopgirl
To: NY152

I like to start my notes to you as if we’re already in the middle of a conversation. I pretend that we’re the oldest and dearest friends — as opposed to what we actually are, people who don’t know each other’s names and met in a Chat Room where we both claimed we’d never been before.

What will he say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer, I wait impatiently as it boots up. I go on line, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You’ve got mail.

I hear nothing, not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beat of my own heart. I have mail. From you.

this is exactly how sher felt about BHBEG#1
then,
there
was
peter…
oh, my, melt in your mouth
kiss me again please,
peter.
she figured she was
just his flavor of the month
with his being a senior and all
but just like a pair of shoes
you have to try on more
than one pair to see if
it’s the perfect fit
and are comfortable.
she was having fun
performing at all his
home football games
taking long walks
and learning to love.
she knew BHBEG#1
was also dating,
as they had both decided
it was silly not to,
and she knew she would not
see BHBEG#1
until next summer at the earliest…
letters and an occasional
3-10 minute phone call –
depending on how many
quarters she was able
to scrounge up to feed the phone,
would have to do!


The holidays came and went
winter break was a month long,
with graduation requiring you
remain on campus
or do work study off campus
three of your four years.
sher was on campus taking art classes
peter was in california
on a work study for football coaching
when the hall phone rang,
“schultzy!
it’s me!
i’m baaaack home.
i am driving to campus tonight,
will you have dinner with me?”
a few hours later
pete was standing at her door
all suntanned
curly hair
crooked fingers
sweater, jeans, boots
and smiling…
he gave her some flowers
and a kiss…
“oh, Schultz! i missed you,
but california was great.
how was your art class?”
they chatted the whole drive
to the pizzeria, while they ate
and drank beer
and all the way back to campus.
the snow was newly fallen
the moon brilliant in the sky
when
WAP!
peter threw a snowball
landing straight upon her cheek
a snowball fight
filled with giggles
wrestling
and ending in
making snow angels
ensued…
they were soaked
happy
and still smiling as they rose up,
“hey, Schultz…let’s go back to my room
and warm up. i will make you some
hot chocolate…”
she knew.
sher knew
in that instant
this
is
the
night!
was she ready?
she did not know,
but she took his hand
nodded her head
and they walked
up the two flights of steps
into his dark room
as she stood
scared to death
he lit candles
put on soft music
and said,
“i’m going to take a shower
and warm up,
do you want to take one to?”

‘bbbbbb but it’s the boys dorms,
i can’t’
peter grabbed a clean towel
tossed it at her,
“schultzy, i will watch the door
for you…”
‘sure you will,’ she thought…
they walked down the hallway
entered the bathroom
and he was true to his word
she showered alone
wrapped herself in a towel
and dressed in a big
flannel shirt he had left her.
peter entered
and said,
“give me two minutes
then i will meet you
in my room…”
sher nodded
and pretended to leave.
when his shower started
she peaked her head
around to look
‘holy shit,
he is gorgeous …’ she though
then she surpassed a giggle
and thought
‘well, Lord,
if i am to loose my virginity
i guess he will do!’