Irma’s Evil Twin at nautilus teachings

 

 

Sunday night
i
DID NOT SLEEP WELL…
irma’s evil twin
began pounding us
with i don’t know
how many inches of rain…
d backwashed the pool down 8” twice
our bali road was underwater
the exact amount as during Irma
and once more
i
began
a dip into
depression…
part of me wanted to just leave
run away
pack up and go
because like most people here
we
are
both
exhausted…
you can see it in our eyes
we both have bags
and we
NEVER
(or at least i never-teeheehee)
have
bags…
my stomach is churning
and
sleep
is always
a grasp away…
yes,
i am thankful
we did not lose power.
i am thankful
the Sykes creek water main
did not break
i am grateful
for the water not flooding my home
and for my tiny life
but
i
am
soooooooooooo
DONE!
this
is where i get angry
and i hate anger
this feeling is so new to me
i am beginning to wonder
will it ever go away?
i sign onto social media
and
BAM!
the horrific killing in Las Vegas…
what
is
happening to our world?
God
must
be
MAD AS HELL
at us all
because
every day
something awful happens…
i sit
lifeless
smileless
sweaty
full of dust
and needing a shower
from a day of-
oh yeah,
my studio had parts
of walls taken down
and may have more
removed tomorrow…
then the fix it guys are
heading to their next job
leaving me
floor-less
wall-less
angry
numb
and sad-
ok
i’m depressed…


i pop in to Ashleys Pool supply
next to Ace Hardware
to get a backwash hose
because between
Irma and her wicked twin
we blew two hoses…
as i am checking out
the girl,
who is very sweet and kind says,
‘did you hear we are supposed to get
torrential rains this weekend?’
i smile
shake my head no
grab my hose
fill up my tank
and think about an exit plan
with my two dogs…
i begin to cry
AGAIN
ugh
when my electrician calls
letting me know all is well
in the studio-
no problems at all
ahhhhh…
a tiny rainbow appears
in my head
i kinda smile
thank him
hang up
drive home
and sit.
i feel lifeless
i have no dream
at this moment
accept
staying dry
and surviving
the rest of this
incredible f’d up weather year…
i think about our grandson
in his chair with his Woody doll
smiling and gurgling at me-
i think about his sweet
newness
his happy disposition…
i take a deep breath
hold it
and attach those images
to my memory reel
which
as of lately
has only been
tick tick ticking out
sorrow…
one more breath in
as i gaze down at my two boys
reef and finn
who are both sound asleep
at my feet.
this has been hard on
them also
but they bounced back
quickly…
it’s Monday night
i gaze at the forecast
on wundeground.com
checking to see
will we get deluged again
with rain this weekend?
rain,
yes.
accumulation
each day is minimal…
i sigh
close my eyes
and pray to God
they are accurate
and that our tiny beach town
my tiny studio
our tiny home
all stays high and dry
and that
tomorrow
the next day
and for all
the days to follow
we never have to worry
about being too wet again…
yes, i know this is a fallacy
yes, i know i am delusional
yes, i know i am a dreamer
but this is all that keeps me going
HOPE
FAITH
PRAYER
it’s what keeps me buoyant
throughout all life’s storms…
my mind flashes to my studio
i close my eyes and see
exactly what i painted
behind my desk…
“sometimes all you need
is the faith of a mustard seed…”
ya just gotta have
FAITH
that Irma’s evil twin and every impersonator after this
will be dragged out to sea
leaving our tiny beach town
to heal
open up
support
and live…

 

 

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