divorce at nautilus teachings

 

41 percent of first marriages end in divorce.
60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.
73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.

DIVORCE

approximately 50% of all children
will live through this…

we go to the beautiful
taking of the vows
we are witness to young love
we have hopes
this
one
will
last…

statistics
and research
clearly prove
that waiting until you
are in your 30’s to marry
for the first time
decrease dramatically
that you will divorce…

i myself
have been married
three times.

they say over 70%
of third marriages
end in failure…
hmmmmm.

my husband and i talk
ALOT
we both
believe in
selective hearing
in continual growth
and change in each other
we embrace
wrinkles
sagging
aging,
and know
with communication
understanding
forgiveness
and unconditional love
we
are
forever…

our children
have been
through it all with us
and that is
what this is really about

children of
DIVORCE

when we separate
THE
most
IMPORTANT
thing
is to not punish
our exe’s in front
of them
but to
turn
the other cheek
to be blind
to their infuriating problems
to be deaf
to the ugly words shed
between us
in fact,
our job
is
to
basically
PRETEND WE NEVER LOVED THAT PERSON
out of
RESPECT
and
LOVE
for our kids…

don’t play the games
don’t take the bait
don’t open yourself up
to more hurt.
when i divorced my
first husband
my adorable
blonde curly headed son
would come home
every other weekend
with a
BUNCH
of new stuff and say,
“look at what daddy bought me
because he missed me so much…
did you miss me, mommy?
what did you buy me?”
i would look into his
baby blues
and grab him in a hug
and say,
“i missed you so much
my arms hurt…
i had no one to hug!”
his tiny sweetness
which grew
and grew and grew
always understood
love
could
not
be
bought…
the second time around
i had my ex served
with papers
while the kids
and i drove
home to the OBX
for thanksgiving…
on the way
i told them,
and what was there response?
“it’s about time.
what took you so long?
mom, why did you stay?”
they then had the next
10 hours to ask me
anything they wished
but ya know what?
they were all happy about it
so we listened to a book
on tape
and enjoyed just being together…

no matter what my exes problems were,
or what happened in our marriage
they only thing i ever cared about was
‘what did the kids witness or learn
about what love is NOT…’
yes,
i should have left earlier
yes,
i stayed for the kids
and both of those
are super dumb reasons to stay…
luckily
12 years later
i am blessed to have
close relationships
with all three of my kids…
they know my story
they know my truths
they can call me out
on anything if needed and
nothing
is ever
out of bounds
all questions
have always
been answered honestly
and i
NEVER
EVER
put down their
fathers…
it’s not my job to do that
my part is to love
unconditionally my children
and allow the unfolding
of all their dads good/bad behavior
to take place over and over…
as they grew up
and began to mature
they understood
and formed their own opinions…
we are the
memory keepers
of our kids
we are imperfect
EVERY
ONE
OF
US…
even those of you
who deny having any faults
or swear their lives were perfect
as kids and continue to be
i
call
BULLSHIT
what you have learned
from excellent parents
is how to be yourself
believe in yourself
solve problems
grow up
be accountable
and in all of this
goodness
you still made mistakes
you still hurt peoples feeling
you may have been bullied
or not made the team you dreamed of
but trust me
imperfect, you are…
the point is
simply this
and i say it over and over
DIVORCE
is a part of life
and there are always
two sides to every
one of them…
if this is you
hug your kids close
don’t talk bad about
their dad/mom
stand up tall
have strength
and be there
super hero
the one who listens
hugs
drives them
everywhere
supports them
and teaches them
how to be
a good human…
karma will finish the rest!

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