changes at nautilus teachings

 

sometimes
you need
to close your eyes
to get rid
of the day…

the shower
does not wash it off,
working out
increases your stress
the cocktail you pour
glides easily down
your throat
but has no effect…
darkness
candles
prayer
silence
still
no
peace…
so,
you take a deep breath in
close your eyes
and wait.
you want that
blank canvas
to appear…
sounds
infiltrate
every pour,
words
and images
repeat themselves
like a scratched record…

life can be
repeatedly
abusive
we work hard
we are honest
kind
and basically
good humans…
but
IRMA,
FUCKING
IRMA
will not go away…
it’s been 11 weeks
of preparing
praying
believing
worrying
cleaning
repairing
purchasing
supervising
ordering
moving
cleaning
and still
IRMA
KEEPS BANGING YOU
FROM THE BACKSIDE…

what is life
trying to teach you?
is this a test from God?
are you in over your head?
are you supposed to give up?
lock up?
stop?
sell?
find a new path?

you close your eyes
once more
and tilt your head
up towards the heavens
every nerve in your body
is firing,
your heart rate
keeps pulsing up
and down
with no rhythm,
sleep keeps escaping you
baths
warm tea
meditation
is not helping…

what do you do?

you begin again.
you gut pieces of your world
and start
from the ground up
hiring people
to
rebuild,
you spend hours
dreaming
hoping
praying
this
is
the
fix…
your world will
now be upright
shiny and new
and
every one
will say,
‘WOW’…

our process
of the clean up,
after
the
B
IRMA
has not been easy
and i had no idea why
until
reality set in
our building is
OLD…

tomorrow i get to rise up
smile
greet
my day
say my prayers
drink my yummy coffee
and meet
with the
fire marshall
and
the building inspector-
because
in the fixing of
our spaces
weaknesses
were revealed
in the entire structure…
there are so many of them
and this makes me sad…

the cape royal
has been
standing
facing
mother ocean
since 1964…
it used to house
‘the top of the cape’
a restaurant/bar
where all the astronauts
gathered
people dreamed
laughed
and
shit
went
down!!!
i actually know a couple
who were both married
when they met there,
fell in ‘secret’ love,
divorced their spouses
married one another
and lived
the happily ever after
fairy tale life
for over 4 decades…
she has passed away
but the memory
of her
lives within me…

closing our eyes
is supposed
to be our own
personal
‘time out’…
we learn it young
practice it frequently
learn to love it …
when we have small children
and rely upon it
our entire life
to focus us
calm
cheer
and revive us
in those times
of stress
heartache
and challenges…

can one wake up
every day
and think
today is going to suck
but
i’ve got this?
is it possible to believe
we’ve
got
this,
regardless?????
or,
are we just
born
with the ability
to be
resilient?

i have no
answer for you.
what i can tell you
is that
we
possess
this incredible
‘bounce-able”
silly putty
stretchable elasticity
healing power
that gifts us
the ability
to rise up each day
place our feet upon
the ground
and face
everything
life
is throwing at us
regardless
of drama
or cost…

so tonight
as i close my eyes
i will pray for
turquoise
water
to encompass me,
wise old mr hawksbills
tethered movement
to cradle me
calm to encompass me
all the while knowing
God
will never give me more
than i can handle…
enter
blank canvas
peace
and rest
knowing
tomorrow
i can rise up
rooted in the
knowledge

Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, verses 1-8:

“For everything there is a season, and 
a time for every matter under heaven:
     a time to be born, and a time to die;
     a time to plant, and a time to pluck up
  what is planted;
     a time to kill, and a time to heal;
     a time to break down, and a time to
  build up;
     a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
     a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
     a time to throw away stones, and a
 time to gather stones together;
     a time to embrace, and a time to
  refrain from embracing;
     a time to seek, and a time to lose;
     a time to keep, and a time to
 throw away;
     a time to tear, and a time to sew;
     a time to keep silence, and a time to
  speak;
     a time to love, and a time to hate;
     a time for war, and a time for peace.”

 

 

 

 

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