feeling life at nautilus teachings

she felt the wet heat
before she entered
it was calling her name
all day she put out fires
answered questions
met deadlines
prepared meals
all while saying,
“fuck off”
to the dreaded cold
that hounded her…
oh, how her head ached
her throat was as red
as a blooming poppy-
her body,
oh man,
it ached
like a bud
bursting
through
the patted down dirt…
she did not believe
in
feeding a fever
and starving a cold
she fed herself all day
soup
water
fruit
and topped it off
with a steak,
baked potato
and salad…
she pushed on
towards
the light
and energy
of life,
all
day
long…
but now
she was ready to give in
to succumb
to let it take over
her wholeness….
everyone fed
happy
in their jammies
hubby watching football
dogs passed out
from a long day of play…


she was claiming this moment
this luxurious 10 minutes.
the door locked,
she
was
alone…
she took a huge
deep breath
counted to 6
just like in yoga
exhaled
and repeated it
three times…
she
was
ready.
naked
one toe
at a time
she stepped
in
to
her
sanctuary.
the first wave of warmth
upon her head
made her sigh
in release,
“oh, oh, oh,
this is better than sex…”
the water temperature
was perfect
the bathroom
aglow with candle light
and dusk
penetrating the windows
made her calm…
“oh, my…
this feels so good…”
the shower made her
feel alive
and at the same time
cleansed her…
she reached out
of the steaming oval
of paradise
grabbed her wine glass
took a long, slow sip
and thought,
“mmmmm. now this,
this is healing…”
a slight smile
glided across her lips-
she would enjoy
relish
take in
every minute
of her
wedded bliss
with her
shower
hideout spot
refuge…


she knew
the dogs paws
were pushing
under the door
she heard the tiny voices
saying,
“mommy………..”
yet, she also knew
as much as he was
engrossed in his tv
he
had
her
back.
only a few more hours
and she would
dive into her soft
silky
sheets
heating pad upon
her sore muscles
pillows propped
just so
and
then,
dreamland…
those 8 -10 hours
of
me
time.
when her mind
escaped,
her body
throbbed
vibrated
rippled,
with dreams
dancing
flickering
and drifting
to times
places
people
she
only
ever
imagined…
but for now
the warm water
caressed her
alleviated the pain
of her enveloping illness
and boy,
did it feel
amazing.
another breath
one more sip
of wine
and silence…
she shut the water off
grabbed her towel
and began to giggle.
four hairy paws
peeked out from under
the wooden door
tiny giggles
echoed
from behind the knob
the sound of
sports echoed through
the windows…
this was her life.
her home.
“heeeeeyyyyyy…”
she called out.
“mommy will be out
in 10 minutes,
go pick out a movie…”


the sound of padded
tiny feet and laughter
bounced off
the wall of her bedroom
dogs nearly silent treading
followed…
“ah….”
she sighed…
“5 more minutes of
mommy bliss…”
another sip
lotion applied
make up off
comfy p.j.’s on
she exits
her haven
the safety
her port
in the storm of life
and resumes
a life
she
not only loved,
but chose…
“hey, you!!!”
she says, with a smile.
“what are we watching tonight?
who wants a popcorn?”
instantly they all scream,
“me, me, me…”
her hubby walks in,
smiles
hugs her
and says,
“you smell,
edible…”
they embrace
kiss
and together
jump upon the sofa
spread out the family blanket
and begin
their night-
a family
in love,
a family
working together,
a family
committed
not just to each other
but to love,
faith
and the knowing
together
they
are a one…
not perfect,
by any means
but accepting
they are all
human,
filled with flaws
but unconditionally
loved
and forgiven
by God…

Read More feeling life at nautilus teachings

seekers at nautilus teachings

are you a seeker?
if so,
do you believe
you were born this way?
is it something you work at?
do you challenge yourself
to solve problems
try new foods
veer from routine
strive to be different
from the norm?
do you seek
inner peace
work at breathing
through stress
do you practice
believe
and have faith
in anything
any
one
a higher being…
when you walk the beach
do you search for
sea glass
shells
driftwood
or do you stroll aimlessly
headphones on
your favorite tunes
crooning you?
what about at the gym?
are you a creature of habit
always doing the exact
same work out
on the exact same machine
or do you venture out a bit
trying everything
to work all those muscles
you never knew existed?
as we age
we tend to become
routine whores
loving
the knowing
of what every day brings
rising at the same time
hitting the hay early enough
to catch enough Zzzzz’s
eating food which won’t upset our tummy
or make us break out in hives
staying in on friday nights
to catch up on our
recorded shows on the dvr…


we like cocooning
with the one we love
dogs by our side
on the sofa we hand picked
glued to the big screen tv
falling asleep early
only to wake up
roll back into bed
and snooze away til’
first mornings light…
as we get even older
our lives become about
all those doctor appointments
we have
the medicine we take
what it does to our body…
just talk to any person over the age of 80
and you will totally agree.
but here’s the thing,
we
GET
to !
we
slow down
on being
a seeker
and we become
part time
hermit crabs
letting the barnacles of life
attach to us.
they do not weigh on us
they become
etched memories
of a life we
get to live
for such a short time
yet,
when we get the chance
to walk the beach
with our grandchildren
searching for shells
when we play
hide and seek once more
and giggle til’
we nearly wet our pants
when we hold
a new born
take in their scent
touch their smooth skin-
not wrinkled or
scarred like our own-
they are full of such purity
goodness
love
that we become seekers again


we start eating healthy
work out a bit more
get 8 hours of sleep
we sit in the warm sun
feeling the healing power
of its rays
we listen to our
adult children’s stories
and remember when…
we celebrate
the day we were born
instead of dreading it’s
yearly return
we go to weekly yoga classes
listen to new
inspirational speakers
we just seek
out
life…
we know it is short
fleeting
and we also recognize
we got caught up in
all the madness of it
and forgot to stop
more often to smell the roses
have the dessert
call a friend
sit with a loved one
on the front porch swing
go to every game
our kids played in
always putting them first
we got caught up
in
life…
we have a ton to learn
from the aging
including the need
to continually
seek out
peace
love
happiness
joy
to be with those we love
call them
listen…
i believe we are all born seekers.
aging changes that
and just when we accept
we are getting old
we go back to that which
we were born into,
being a learner
a wisher
a dreamer…
life is short
i encourage you to seek
every day
in the smallest of ways
just one tiny thing,
even if all it is,
is pulling out that old tye dyed
shirt from one of your favorite concerts
or wearing a ribbon in your hair…
just do something each day
to let the world know
you
are
alive!

Read More seekers at nautilus teachings

early morning drives at nautilus teachings

early mornings
have always meant
a lazy walk on the beach
sleeping in
coffee with d on the dock
just slowly awakening
my coffee in hand
boys at my feet
i love mornings…
UNTIL
this week…
what i am doing
where i am going is
a blessing
but i never realized
so many people
were awake
driving really, super fast
and that i needed to have
two coffees in me to
even be on the road.
since i am at schools
where the bathrooms
are meant for tiny butts
and short legs-
i have yet to find an
adult bathroom,
i think they hide them
in the teacher’s break rooms!
i opt out of the second coffee
pop open my green tea
i made before i left
put on some meditation music
and drive
like
a
turtle…
i use the app WAZE
to guide me to every school,
in fact, we use this app
for every trip we take
we love it so much…
every day the soft female voice
instructs me
turn here
go there
and when i mess up
it makes this funny sound
and says,
“hey, turn around, silly!”
one thing WAZE does do
is make me giggle,
every day!


it seems she cannot
pronounce correctly
any street or road
and i love this…
it puts life into perspective
and reminds me of the book
“don’t sweat the small stuff”
and every morning
i laugh out loud
as i meander down
roads i have never seen before
knowing what awaits me
are the most beautiful
little faces, hands
and souls
just waiting for
miss sheri
to enter their classrooms
talk with them about
what random acts of kindness are
and then lead them
with their helpers
through a painting…
these kids are so full
of life and happiness.
yes,
they struggle
on all different levels
but they teach me
the importance of slowing down
remind me to listen harder
i learn something new,
every day…
i grow inside.
on most days
i tear up
want to wrap them
all in healing hugs,
and when i leave
i say a prayer for them
their families and their teachers…
then i hop in my car
turn back on WAZE
and prepare to laugh
over and over
knowing each day
the bat out of hell drivers
will be waiting at dawn
to maneuver their cars
very quickly
around my slow paced SUV
while i zen out
to instrumental music
that lulls me
into the knowing
my simple life
is blessed…


my husband loves me
he supports everything i
believe in
teach
create
give
but more importantly
i get to do
exactly the one thing
my mother taught me
to love to do
and that was
GIVE.
tomorrow,
morning will arrive
i will drive with semi open eyes
to a new school
meet new teachers
and children
while the maiden from WAZE
will release a giggle from me
with every turn i take
leading me down
this path of personal growth
and assuring me
faith is always
bigger than fear.

 

Read More early morning drives at nautilus teachings

nephews at nautilus teachings

the year was 1981
mom was alive
my brothers had
all gotten married
were working
starting families
my dad was traveling
my parents
had found bliss
in being
at least part time
empty nesters
as i was in college.
Aug 4th of this year
right before i went
away for my sophomore year
my nephew was born.
OMG! i loved him so much
and my brother and his
gorgeous wife
allowed me access to him
any time i was home
as much as i wanted
even when he
was sleeping…
i would wake him up
just to cuddle and hold him
as he grew i would dress
like a clown on special days
and we would giggle
and play for hours.
he stole my heart
so so so long ago.
i loved that little
freckle -faced
red haired boy.
loved just being in his space.
when he was 4,
right after mom was
diagnosed with leukemia
and given 6 months to live
my brother uprooted his family
and moved across the country
to california…
he said it was for a job opportunity
and right now it doesn’t matter
if that was truth or not
because i believed he did it
because he could not watch mom die
because of all the pain
and suffering he had caused her
in his growing up.


regardless,
they moved
and
it broke
my heart,
not to mention
my mothers heart.
plus i was very angry
at him
for taking away my nephew
who i felt such a connection with
my new niece i had barely
gotten a chance to know
and leaving at a time
when family should be
pulling together,
not moving away.
yet, my family
was never close
and although i had
found common ground
with my brother
since he married
straightened out his life
and became a father
i was just
raging with anger…
over the next 31 years
i tried to stay in touch
with my nephew
making sure he
new i loved him.
when he and his beautiful wife
had their first child,
a son
i painted a 3’ x4’ portrait
of the sleeping little man
and shipped it to them.
we have had very little conversation
over the last 31 years
but when we do chat
or text
i still see his handsome
happy little self
still feel his tiny hands
around
aunt sheri’s neck
and i miss him.
he knows i love him
but sometimes it is not enough.
we live thousands of miles apart
and i have yet take the trek to CA
to visit him and his growing family.


yes,
i feel like i am a bad aunt
and i know my mom would be sad
that i have disconnected with
the family.
but with him
there never was a severing of ties
i always made sure he knew
i loved him.
on Christmas Eve
i received a fed-ex
envelope from CA
from my nephew-
and before i even opened it
i cried.
it could have been a hate letter
(not that i think he is capable!
he is such a gentle soul)
inside was his christmas card
with his wife and two small kids
on the front
and an additional photograph
for me to frame-
which i did instantly…
but the coolest thing
the one that tore up my heart
in a good way
and made me ball even louder?
was the magazine he sent me…
you see he builds log homes
in california
he is talented, creative, smart
and a hard worker
so i was not surprised to see
his recently built log home
for a client
on the cover of a magazine…
i read it over and over
cried more
and thought to my old self,
“sheri, this is the best
christmas present a girl can get…”
you see,
what my nephew gave me
was the priceless gift of memories
of mom
of my youth
of happy times
but mostly
of how much
that little crapper meant to me
and how i need to make sure
i take the time
to go visit him
and tell him
how proud i am of him
and how much i dearly love him…

Read More nephews at nautilus teachings

the bali art lady at nautilus teachings

have you heard
about the woman
who lives in the tiny house
on the small piece of land
across the street from the beach
on the narrow canal
just a 1/2 mile down from
the tall building she visits
to teach art classes in?
she comes from
the windy city
and swears the frost
tattooed pain
upon her soul.
the summer
when she was 5
her mom signed her up
for water ballet
where she learned about
sea turtles, mermaids
and brightly colored
whimsical fish…
it was also the first year
she remembers
meeting God
twice…
the first was when
she “swallowed her tongue”
stopped breathing
and floated above her body
watching the firemen
bring her back to life
all the while God speaking to her
telling her she would live to be
an old lady with long grey hair…
the second incident occurred
when she was held under water
by someone she loved
only to be rescued by her mother.
this time when she met God, He told her
she would live to tell her story
to help heal people
that her whole life
she would walk in His grace…
this woman
is an observer
she quietly watches
the world
in all it’s madness
race by her
she’s ok with not understanding
most of it
she even understands
she will never paint a masterpiece
or win a nobel prize for her writing….

on some days she wants
to run away and live like a gypsy
wandering the world
soaking up all the colors
but most days
she stays hidden away
in her tiny house
with the small studio
painting her life
upon canvases
writing her life story
for the world to read
she’s just one person
in this gigantic universe
and she understands
to most people
she means nothing,
and that is
A.O.K. with her
for she will not stop
trying to inspire people
never will she cease teaching
no matter how many
pop up paint like me shops open up…
you see
she believes in herself
she is strong,
filled with compassion
and empathy
for every person
young or old
who enters her space
she is just honored to
have them in her tiny studio
in the tall building
with the red light
and when the night is over
and everyone goes home
she sits in darkness
with just her twinkle lights on
thanking God for blessing
her with this one beautiful life…
her struggles to get here
are as real as the wind blowing
sun shining
and waves crashing upon
the sandy shore.
she is no longer shy
she found her voice
and no matter if it is
one person or many
she sits in wait
for the next class
the next chance
to splash a little color
into someones life
to share a laugh
and to touch a human soul
with her gift of grace and light…
is she crazy ?
maybe a bit.
but reality is
she just doesn’t listen to
the nay sayers
the debbie downers
and the negativity of the world
only good vibes
and positive mojo
drip from her
painted fingertips…
it’s 2017
have you met her?
painted with her?
do you even know she exists?
if not,
what are you waiting for…

Read More the bali art lady at nautilus teachings

trust at nautilus teachings

 


“say it,
SAY IT,
if i don’t hear it from
your lips
then i know i have
lost my mind…”
but HE was quiet
silent
staring at her
“what the fuck is going on?
how can he be here?”
still
nothing
from HIM…
“i don’t understand it
he’s fat
with a long scraggly beard
he looks like a
duck dynasty guy
he’s found Jesus…
i know
i know
i know
this sounds crazy
but i am telling you
I SAW him TODAY!!!”
HIS eyes are searching her
HE is patiently waiting
for her to take a breath
but she keeps yammering on
about him…
when is she going to realize
even if he comes back
she is strong enough now
to handle him
no matter what he looks like
or what comes out of his mouth?
crap,
she got her license to carry
two months ago
she knows how to defend herself
HE will not be her baby sitter
EVER…
“oh, my God
oh, my God
oh, my God…
this just can’t be
i must be hallucinating…”
tears are running down steadily
literally pouring from
her huge brown bear eyes
her lip is quivering
her legs shaking
as if she is feeling a cold chill
but HE waits
not uttering a word…


what HE really wants to do
is yell at her,
“are you an idiot?
why do you care?
he can live anywhere he wants,
including here…”
HE wants to shake her
til she stops
mostly,
HE just wants to walk away
and leave her to her madness.
but,
HE doesn’t
HE will never leave her
HE will just be her rock
her sounding board
eventually HE will cradle her
dry her tears
and then the two of them
will giggle over this
dramatic escapade
her truly over re-acting
to a fleeting image
which she believes
to be him…
this is how it’s been
her whole life.
HE has waited
listened
carried
held
forgiven
loved
healed
but she is
and always has been lost
when it comes to
dealing with memories
she carries them deep
wears them like a tattoo
etched upon her
forever…
HE’S told her over and over
to let it go
give it to HIM
HE will take care of it
to trust HIM…
but she
barley trusts herself
how could she possibly trust
anyone else,
even HIM?


she’s keeping watch on the window
from her home as she cooks
does laundry and works…
the boys are barking at every car
keeping her nerves gliding
across the rim
of a total melt down…
she checks her stored pistol
makes sure it’s loaded
moves it to within reach
she is afraid to take a shower
all she can think about it the car
the man
him
driving
everywhere she went today
there
he
was…
is he waiting until nightfall?
until she is fast asleep?
what could he possibly want now?
she continues to doubt HIM
so HE begins pacing
this stirs the locks of her hair
and she freezes…
she knows HE is here
because HE is always here
HE never leaves her…
HE reaches out to her
she feels HIS warmth
falls into HIM
and then the words,
“oh GOD… i know you are here
with me
i know you are beside me
holding me
watching
listening
shrugging your shoulders
waiting for me to remember
your promise.
please forgive me
for ever doubting you.
protect me
keep me safe
i give all my fears up to you
in Jesus name,
AMEN…”
then HE smiles.
HIS girl is back
in his pocket
HE is carrying her
through all her hard times
dancing with her
in all the good
rejoicing with her
daily…
HE loves her…
she calms
closes the blinds
jumps into the shower
and washes away
the day terrors
of memory…
she thinks to herself,
“yes, it’s just that,
those are memories
even though they are ugly
and hurtful
i own them.
but,
they are no longer me…”
she smiles
lights a candle
settles down with her boys
and once more
begins to pray…

Read More trust at nautilus teachings

letting family go at nautilus teachings

when she was
raped at 17
her father said,
“you probably deserved it…”
when her first husband
threw her against the wall
ripping her shoulder tendons
her father replied with,
“what did you do to deserve that?”
when she told him
her second husband
had abused her and the children
her dad said,
“what’s wrong with you?
you are just like your mother!”
year after year
she answered his calls
always hearing him say,
“gee, i don’t know what is wrong
with your kids, but they never call me
or answer their phone…
what’s the matter with them?”
that one she would always
just let go
turn silent
because it was always followed up with
“are you ever going to get a real job?”
worthless
that is how she felt
complete scum
diseased
a mistake
she knew
she should never
have been born.
was her father right?
was everything just her fault?
she was full of shame
she carried within
the burdens of
never being enough..
her whole life
her father confirmed it
with his words
and now they were etched
upon her soul.
year after year
she worked to feel clean
to live a good life
to be the obedient wife
a good mother
and for the most part
she was happy


yet there were many mornings
she awoke
to terror inside
her skin would feel tingly
breath would be labored
the veil had fallen
while she slept
so she knew this day
she would have
to climb her way
up towards God’s light.
on these days
it took nothing to
shove her back upon the bottom
which for the most part
is where she still felt she belonged
and wanted to stay…
“why can’t people just leave me alone?
if i am truly no good,
if i deserve anger to be taken
out upon me
or am to be taken advantage of
then why am i here?”
then the tears
and the memories
would flood her
beautiful big brown eyes
and once more
she is young
being ridiculed and picked on
by her two brothers
her mom is crying
her dad is screaming,
“you are a failure as a mother…”
and then she hears his words
“you deserved it,
what did you do?
what is wrong with you?”
she is one weeping
beautifully broken mess
laying upon the
polished wood floor
covered in snot and tears
hair all tangled up
she feels weak,
until…
she is encompassed
with the knowing
the feeling
the blush
warmth
and assurance
of God’s hand
cradling her…
she feels the rocking movement
the serenity of her faith
strengthening her.
soon
she is upright
washing her face
blowing her nose
fixing her hair…

the boys come running towards her
tails wagging
tongues licking her
the door glides open
and her love is there
“oh, baby…tough day, huh?”
he asks her
then he pulls her close
holds her
assuring her
she
is
loved…
her phone buzzes
“hey mom, just thought i would
see how you were, i was thinking
about you all day…”
life!
her
life
is
good
blessed
full…
the front door rings
and she opens it to her
beautiful friend
who is smiling wide
hands full of flowers, saying,
“hey you, i have so many flowers blooming
i thought you would love some…”
then they are hugging
laughing
having a glass of wine
life
is
good…
the words
the memories
will always
flood her
she will always
have to fight
to not give in
the older she gets
the tougher it is…
she breathes in a big breath
heaves a sigh of relief
then looks up towards heaven
and whispers,
“thank you, God
for always having my back…”
she knows without her faith
she would be lost
maybe alone
for sure without love
she also knows
she is enough
she is strong
beautiful
full of the colors
of God’s
unconditional love
and forgiveness…
this is her job
her gift
to give to the world…
face clean
lips smiling
she steps
back
into
her
beautiful
life…

Read More letting family go at nautilus teachings

jump run or walk at nautilus teachings

she does not jump
she does not run
she walks away…
never in a hurry
willing to accept
continued abuse
punishment
hatred
anger
silence
she waits…
she is not looking
for the right time
she is waiting
for him
to change
to love
apologize
listen…
year after year
she makes wishes
hopes for the impossible
wears her masks
to every public function
so no-one knows
she is sad
hurting
depressed
suffocating
drowning
in the tidal wave
that keeps
crashing down upon her
no matter which way she turns
or how many times a day
she prays
it just
keeps hailing
all the broken pieces
of what
she calls her life…
she never yells
screams
bosses people around
she cries
hides
and becomes quiet
knowing on the day
she will leave
she will have no regrets
she will pack up her
few belongings
her two dogs
and drive off
never looking back.


life has made her hard.
on most days
she barely feels her heart beating
fills the emptiness
with numbing
whether it be silence
hiding
alchohol
or sleep…
her favorite being
darkness in bed alone.
she does need to leave him,
necessarily,
what she really wishes
is to leave herself
the insecure
filled with fear
never thin enough
sometimes stuttering
extremely introverted
controlling
ocd
woman
she has become…
in her twisted mind
she believes
she is getting everything she deserves…
not smart enough
nor accomplished
she has spent so much of her life
lost
feeling abandoned
licking her wounds
that the only thing she truly
became fluent in
was giving
loving
caring
and being lost…
it was as if she hoisted her sail
set a course
and all her boat did was toss and turn
floating aimlessly in the
ever changing current
which endlessly
slammed her back upon the shore
making her begin
over and over again…
once in a while she gets tired
of walking upon eggshells
in the knowing
he will enter
and she will have to be silent
almost subservient
instead of looking forward
to his return
being able to kiss him
as he enters
have a conversation
sit at a table and share a meal…


but instead she begins
pulling inside herself
so as not to upset or aggravate
him
making him so mad
he would yell
once more…
how can she go on balancing this madness?
her heart loves him
and most of the time he is calm
but still not interested
in conversation
only television
decompressing
being left alone…
she does not jump
she does not run
she walks away…
and at this moment
in her aging life
she is preparing
to walk.
suitcase
hidden
packed
starting to stash cash
researching
where she can hide
wondering
can
she
leave
him?
is
it
really
that
bad?
she knows
he is good
kind
loving
but the older she gets
the more difficult it is
to deal with his random
bouts of anger
and she wants to be at peace
light a candle
have a glass of wine
and welcome him home
to dinner
together
at their table
where they can spend
just 15 minutes
sharing…
so you understand
she is standing
at this precipice
in her life
does she hang on
or does she leave?
for now
she endures
because
she believes
he too
will soften
listen more
understand
that all she really wants
from him
is time…

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depression at nautilus teachings

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she is beautiful
tall
soft
big brown eyes
she lights up the room
upon entrance
and always
makes you giggle…
when she hugs
you feel her sadness
an open cavern
of loss
hurt
and depression…
for she hugs
without hands touching
any person
almost as if
she is saying…
‘not to close…’
just looking at her
you would never guess
she struggles at all,
even the daily stuff
like getting up
showering
eating,
can be work…
her favorite phrases?
‘i’m fine…’
‘i’m sorry…’
publicly she holds her head high
works many hours
but on her ride home
the darkness
begins to fall
and as soon as her key
unlocks her safe place
she crumbles
screams
and cries…
we were sitting together
semi – chatting about life
when she said,
“i’m honestly one of those people
that are just like ‘yeah, i have friends
and people talk to me, but i’m nobody’s
favorite person
and nobody looks forward
to talking to me
everyday or anything
and it sucks…”

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then the tears
run down her soft cheeks
and i hold her.
we talk some more
about the importance of
taking her daily medication
exercise
eating healthy
of having a hobby,
an outlet for when
the veil begins to drop…
she knows all of this
and at moments
she is seeing more light
traveling
participating…
i know
i cannot heal her,
only love her…
we hug
and i notice
her hands
do not touch me…
the doorbell rings
her friends arrive
with more hugging
smiles and laughter
all around
-she still uses no hands
on any hugs-
another friend of mine
who is always the
hit of any party
one of everyones favorite guests
works long hours
volunteers
suffers from an even
deeper depression
once said to me,
“i use humor
to cover up the fact
that i
want to
jump off a bridge…”
but,
she continued,
“the older i get
the more i understand
this is part of who i am.
i cannot change it
but i can manage it…”

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we are not all blessed
with this one magical
everything goes
our way lives
350 million people
globally suffer
from some sort
of depression…
when you love someone
who does suffer from it
you learn to listen
to engage
you learn compassion
and empathy…
sure you want to wrap
them up in a huge bear hug
protect them
you worry about them
when they don’t text back
or answer their phone
you know their
“oh, hey…i was just soooooooooo busy,”
response
is most likely fabricated
yet you are so excited
to hear their voice
for a moment
a brief split second
that you smile
all the while your heart breaks…
for
you
are
helpless…

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this is not always
a happy season
for everyone you know…
i encourage you to
take the time
be an observer
let them know
you are there
by gently hugging them
tell them they are beautiful
share a funny story
but most important
listen
for in their silence
the volume is
on max.

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don’t do it at nautilus teachings

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i saw her standing
in the corner
at the holiday party
i knew she was waiting
for him to arrive…
him,
was her best friends husband.
she had a mad crush on him
flirted endlessly
with him
always dressed
to show off ‘the girls’
which were scrunched up
unusually high tonight,
nearly bursting out
of the top of her
sexy, tight clinging
red hot dress…
her wine glass
held up near her lips
in anticipation
of the taste…
not of the liquid
but of him.
she wanted him
even though
he was her best friends hubby
father to
three adorable children
she wanted the house
the vacations
the nice cars
not to work-
“how hard could it be,”
she thought, “to take care of children?”
i wandered around
greeting everyone
helping my husband
stir, cook, serve, pour
he is animated
handsome
kind
and the love of my life
together we share
a simple life
one we both protect fiercely
since we each had
been deeply hurt in prior marriages.
i spin around
smile upon my face
and see him enter
beautiful wife by his side
they look happy
and then,

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“MEOW”
the wanna be home breaking
feline begins her prowl
pausing to pose seductively
making sure he notices
her every move
she strolls her finger gently
over her voluptuous
emerging breasts
smiles
catching his eyes…
then she rapidly approaches
her bff,
“hey, beautiful…merry christmas.”
the two embrace
chat quietly
and soon wander off
leaving him to
hang with the boys
fill up a plate of food
enjoy an ice cold beverage
and just relax…
the party carries on
everyone having a wonderful time
my husband and i
make sure we get a chance
to spend time with all of our guests
while still refilling and topping off
food and beverages.
the night is glorious
the twinkle lights all lit
stars in the gazillions
magic surrounds us.
mid way through the evening
another couple we know arrives…
i notice they are cold to
each other
giving the appearance
of a prior disagreement
they are not holding hands
and separate as soon as they enter
with fake smiles plastered upon
their faces.
my handsome husband and i
exchange glances
nodding at the understanding
i will talk to her and
he to him.
we love having get togethers
the planning of the menu
the purchasing of the food
cooking it together
setting up
just the anticipation
of filling our home with
laughter and memories
with good friends and families
bonds us tightly…

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and our favorite time is
the clean up
put away
the time we giggle
shake our heads
and share
all the stories of the evening.
we trust one another.
end of story.
we also have an agreement
to talk
and listen
to share everything
the good and the bad.
this is what marriage is…
a balancing act
the knowledge
some days you may
have disagreements
may not want to be in their space
but at the end of the day
when all is said and done-
you love.
you turn off all the noise
you put your arms
around one another
and you apologize
you forgive…
for those couples who
do not trust one another
jealousy
silence
betrayal
reigns-
whether it is due to
insecurity
bitterness
old wounds…
without 100% trust
you are just doomed…
our party was a success
no one kissed
anyone inappropriately
and everyone left with
their chosen date or spouse.
marriage is
and always has been
work
a tough job sometimes,
but oh,
how wonderful the bennies are…
be loyal
trust one another
love with all your heart
every second
every breath you have
hold your family close
life is short…
and for the record
just in case this is NEW news to you-
every story has two sides.
if you are lonely
sad
hurt
mad
feeling disconnected
in need of
clearing the air
or just time with
the one you love,
open up your mouth
and speak to your spouse…
you might just be surprised
the person you love
may be feeling the same way too…

abce0ed918c2b47b16a4f20e4912c596

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