noise, noise, noise, noise at nautilus teachings

noise, noise, noise, noise at nautilus teachings

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dr. seuss writes,
“oh, the noise!
noise! noise! noise!”
in how the grinch stole christmas…
this morning i was
prepping for camp in studio
when i hear
voices yelling
from another office…
my ears begin
to ring
my stomach churns
and my head pounds…
i hate big noise
i don’t like yelling
fireworks
or in general,
most loud things…
i listen to the television
at volume #9
something my husband
cannot even hear
as he needs it at #22…
i have trained myself
to be completely still
silent
and listen…
sometimes
holding my breath
to hear…
i like being a pro
at listening
it’s one of my super powers
i learned as a child
when i was hiding
in my closet
under the red wooden steps
i could hear
my brothers footsteps
from the other
side of the house
even in the woods
across the street
i would know
‘they are coming to get me…’
when i married
that crazy SOB
i could smell his scent
before he arrived
because my body knew
he was near
i would know his car
was rounding the corner
because i felt a tremor
even in my deepest sleep
i knew the knife
was in his hand
ready to threaten me
because his slow
labored breathing
would echo across
my dream…

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now that i am happy
safe
and loved
i choose to remain
in a mostly silent world
i feed the introvert in me
for weeks at a time
so i can be social
when needed
because honestly,
i love love love
to teach art…
i love creative energy
from the young kids,
watching them
place brush to canvas,
seeing their eyes light up,
their pink lips curve
into a smile…
this is not noise
no matter how high
the volume gets
this
is
love…
being married to a guy
who works hard
to be still during
his meditation
because he has always
used noise like
the the tv or radio
to keep him company
just reinforces

1 Corinthians 13:4-84 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

my husbands ears
always ring
my ears
are silent
so when
unexpected crashes
bangs,
words
are deployed
into the air
around me,
my body panics
i lay on the floor
close my eyes
slow my breath
and say,
“dear Lord,
make me a fish
so i can swim
far far away…”

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i would always flinch
when someone yelled
i always would hide
or run away when threatened
this is still my
first gut reaction
only now
i stand strong
in my silence
and as i turn my back
upon that which is
invading my space
i smile,
knowing
the most powerful thing
i can say
is nothing at all…

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wait for it at nautilus teachings

wait for it at nautilus teachings

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there is this
lovely
tiny space
which feels like
a warm blanket
a soft hug
a smile
it has a
listening ear
a hand to hold
a space
not easily
given
but nevertheless
it does exist…
it’s nothing
you can search for
work for
or even invent
it’s just there
and if you
are given it
in your
lifetime
you
are
blessed
you
are
loved…
this space
is not
someones heartbeat
it’s not a wall
that has been
torn down
or a bandage
protecting
you from harm
this is a sacred place
it cannot be earned
bought
traded
or bartered for…
for each one of us
it is different
unexpected
a gift,
and when given
takes
your breath away
sending a
tethering movement
within your entirety…
at this moment
there is no question
it
is
truth-

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no feeling
of un-belonging
remains
wounds
stop weeping
your pulse calms
you find yourself
one
with all the energy
faith and love
which surrounds you…
you have no idea
when this
tiny space
will be revealed
you cannot study for it
because it is not a test
nor is it a
scratch off
lottery card
but you will feel
complete
in need of nothing
overflowing
all your pieces
will be connected
the stars
will have aligned
and this
minuscule
opening
once
unzipped
becomes
all encompassing
and you feel
euphoria,
you
have
hit
the
jackpot
at this very moment
you
need
nothing
else…
and tonight
it has
arrived
without
preparation
or forethought
no special meals
were prepared
no uncorking of
anything vintage
the words
rolled of their tongue
while you are
watching television

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doing the laundry
eating dinner
getting dressed
making lunch
whatever you are doing
at that precise moment
love is infinite
you catch your breath
your heart skips a beat
and everything around you
stills
there is no
other sound
infiltrating
your brain
because
for this one
moment
you hear the words….
“i really love you
and i am so excited
i get to grow old with you…”
this defining moment
confirms
you
are
unconditionally loved
by them…
WOW
may each one
of you
have this moment
once
in your
beautiful
life…

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tiny moments at nautilus teachings

tiny moments at nautilus teachings

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there are moments
in our life
when time
stands still,
a passage
from one level
to another…
all around us
quietly stops
moving
rotating
twirling
and silence takes over
ripples cease
no breeze to cool
whispers are shushed…
other times
we gaze at the clock
tick, tick, ticking
without hesitation
the minutes of our life away
pushing us to
work harder
move faster
be stronger
to not forget
all the tasks
which lay before us
on our ‘to do’ list
this day
is over planned
expectations
take our breath away
so we sit
watching
cars fly past us
music blaring
texts begging to be answered
we ignore the
ringing of our phone
we are swept up
within the madness of life…
then there are
our invisible moments,
we are in a room
speaking
yet, no-one hears
we raise our hand
no-one sees
our touch
goes unfelt
we feel non-existent…

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how about those
moments
that usually occur
in the middle of the night?
we cannot sleep
we wake up
every 10 minutes
thinking an hour has passed
disappointed we lie there
listening to our heartbeat
counting
how many times
the AC kicks on
the number of snores
per minute by our hubby
we listen to the dogs
lick, shake and scratch
we lie in troubled silence
wishing, praying
for ourselves to fall back
into dreamland…
that sacred numbness
of healing balm
that encompasses us
leaving us oblivious
to pain
free of heart break
and a warm place
where sadness
just
disappears…
how about the time
when we feel
shot through the heart
our nerves are jumping
faster than the seconds
upon the clock…

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or how about the times
we are being screamed at
so very loud
we cover our ears
wishing
moments
flashed fast
before our eyes
like a hurricane
a typhoon
and endless circle
of currents
dragging us
down deeper
and slowing the pace
of our very life…
we feel the air
being drawn from us
as we wither,
wishing we would die…
how do we find the balance
between real time
wanting to slow it
or wanting to speed it up?
for me,
i do it by slowing down
stepping back
taking a breath
looking around
and knowing that this
is a moment
which will never
happen again…
in this knowing
i am able to
relax,
enjoy
even cry
and let myself
be fully encompassed
by all of my surroundings…
one thing i know for sure
is the clock is ticking away
for each and every one of us…

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every breathe
moment
and day
we are given
not knowing when
our time will end
is supposed to be a blessing
but for some of us
we cannot
we keep pushing on
day after day
until eventually
our bodies are burned out
and we collapse
to the ground…
we need to accept
that it’s ok if we don’t
get to the end the list
according to
our terms
in our time slot
every day…
we have to make room
to catch little tears
which will fall,
or someone
needing a hug,
to be listened too…
we need to make time
to pick up the phone
when someone is in crisis
and needs us…
in the acceptance
of every moment
of our lives
we then become whole,
we become wrapped
in the colorful threads
of our life
ending up being
a beautiful tapestry
of memories…
as you go about
your day today
think about each moment
be
in
each
moment
embrace
and accept it
being grateful
God gave you one more day
to enjoy your
one
beautiful life…

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common sense at nautilus teachings

common sense at nautilus teachings

 

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where has common sense gone?
who just woke up one
morning and thought
giving their child
an iPad for entertainment
would develop
them better
than building with blocks
playing in the sand
being read or sang to
being held by arms
that love them and,
who created this new math?
dare i ask
what they were smoking
when they did?
do they even teach 
cursive writing anymore?
why, oh why
does every child need a trophy?
i am truly confused
why we are teaching
self entitlement
instead of gratitude-
judgement,
instead of faith-oneness…
greed
instead of
giving…
society is creating
mini robots
hooked on technology
leaving most
lacking in common sense…
on june 26 of 2002
judges ruled to take
the pledge of allegiance
out of school
due to the words
“one nation under God…”
yes, we are a free county
but almost every day we hear
of terrorists killing americans
even americans killing each other…
what is wrong
with this country?
two weeks ago
some of my furniture was
stolen off of my front porch
while i slept…
HELLO!
would someone please
wake up those in our society
who seem to believe
everything is their’s for the taking
and that they are
entitled to anything we
bought, loved, owned,
built memories upon
for 10 years because
“possession is 9 /10ths
of the law?”
who does the law protect?

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one of the reasons
i moved to the tiny
beach town of cocoa beach
was for the incredible schools
the safety
and honesty
the small town flavor…
yet,
there is a group of individuals
that see our town
as needing to
‘grow up’
‘catch up’
‘offer more’
to name a few…
i truly believe
the foundation
upon which our country
was born needs to grow
and to change
but we cannot
just toss aside
compassion, empathy
accountability
and common sense …
no,
i don’t think
‘it’s so adorable’
how your tiny 2 year old
can play a game
on your phone or iPad
while you shop
instead of them learning
to sit still
respect their parents
and learn how to
behave in public…
no,
i don’t agree
that phones should be
allowed at the dinner table-
nothing is that important..
i believe in families
in togetherness
in listening
teaching
in creating
cooking
playing outside
boardgames
and family fun nights…
i have faith
i trust God…
i do love electronics.
i believe in social media
but there is a time
and a place for everything…
had i not posted pictures
of my stolen furniture
i would have never
gotten it back…
i believe
in honest people
that kindness does
still exist…

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so,
why was i a victim?
because i trusted
i was safe
in my community…
my husband and i
built our porch
for gatherings
and we furnished it
with pieces we love…
i don’t know the circumstance
or story
of the thieves
and it is not for me to judge
what i do know is
most people are good
cocoa beach is where
we have chosen
to live out our life
and this little bump
in our road
only made us realize
we need to change our thinking
because there is a portion
of america
who is so fucking entitled,
have no soul
and of which we have
no control over…
i vote to teach common sense
to go back to normal math
include creativity
and imagination in
our daily life
in having faith
but most of all
i believe
in forgiveness…

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his and her colds at nautilus teachings

his and her colds at nautilus teachings

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he drags himself
through the door
after a long day
“honey,
i think i am getting sick…”
he is slow
milking it just a bit
and you pretend
you do not see.
upon waking,
he loudly tries
to clear his throat,
wakes you
and says,
“oh, i hope i’m not
getting the flu…”
you roll over
pretend to sleep
and wait for him to leave
the room
and go to work…
you know
if you so much as
bat an eyelash
or give one
ounce of sympathy
the damn will burst open
and he will break
into little boy mode
and for the next
few days
you will say,
“oh honey, what can i do?”
“do you need anything?”
“oh, baby…”
this time; however,
you are
not biting…
a few weeks pass by
when it hits you…

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you wake up
no voice
coughing
headache
all you want to do
is stay in bed
but you rise
just like him
go to work
just like him
and every day
he asks,
“are you feeling better?”
you know to say,
“no…”
because the minute
you respond
with even,
“a tiny bit better…”
your day will be planned
your chore list will grow
and that time
you wanted
poolside
left alone
to wallow in
self care and love
will be gone…
it is day 3
of your
summer cough/cold
laryngitis
you are at your computer
when he pops in the room
“good morning…
feeling better?”
you smile
nod
and
barely whisper
“maybe just a tad…”
“good,”
he responds,
“because we need to
got to home depot,
we need to go online
and buy….
we need to
we need to
we need to
and finally
what are you cooking for dinner?”

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you look at him
tap your throat
shake your head no
and
whisper
“nope,
today
i heal…”
he looks at you
and responds,
“well
then lets just
cybershop
for….”
ugh!
you think
to yourself
i need a day
between
saturday and sunday…
he saunters off
you stay inside
while your head
still pounds
you cannot breath
your chest hurts
and that little voice
inside you says,
“baby girl,
i am not coming out
to play today
the answer
is NO…”
you find him
poolside
meditating
and you think
‘he is one handsome dude..’
he opens his eyes
smiles
and whispers
“i think we both
need a day off…”

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her first words at nautilus teachings

her first words at nautilus teachings

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when we are young
we live in a
magical
imaginary
bubble…
we believe in
princes
the happy ending
and one day
POOF!
it pops…
as the pieces
of us explode
scattering,
some landing
instantly
but most
continue to float away
begging us to
travel toward
them
so we can
reconnect once more…
we are all
different ages
when this happens…
for me
it was 42!
yes,
i was a late bloomer
in every way!
but, i sure can
remember
the first
hole pricked
in my bubble
by my first love…
oh so, so, so many
years ago-
i was 19
he was 21.
i was in college
and he was
my very first love…
he wore the number 16
and played football,
i can remember
his crooked smile
and broken fingers
i can remember
his first touch
my heart
beating outside
my chest
i remember beginning
to feel grown up…
we were never
truly right for each other
but i believed in my soul
he
was
the
one…
oh, the stories i could tell
about us…
teeheehee

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but now,
when i pick up the phone
hearing my young beauties
broken heart
over her first true love
oh my, oh my, oh my…
i want to tell her
about my first love
BUT
i don’t…
instead,
i ache with her
i listen to her
trying to catch her breath
between sobs
and i know
how broken she is
AND
i know she will
love again
laugh once more
even smile…
this wide open
bleeding heart pain
will lesson
and one day stop.
i cannot take this from her
she must live
through it
to learn about love
yet,
as a mom
i want to give her a warm bath
wash her hair
wrap her in a clean towel
put on her jammies
fix her favorite meal
and watch
a movie with her…
to be
me and her
child and mom
mother and daughter,
i want to hold
her baby toes
smell her newness
hold her tight
and sing
“you are my sunshine.”
then reality hits
she is thousands of miles away
she is an adult
she will come home
from work
and cry,
she will
wake with puffy eyes
shower and cry,
she will feel alone
left
lost
no good
ugly
fat
unwanted
all the things us girls feel…
what is a mother to do?
i will pray for her
even though she
does not believe in God,
i will cry for her
because her heart aches
i will text her
silly pictures of the dogs
tell her i love her
and
i
will
wait…
for the call…
the one that says,
“hey, i’m doing ok, mom…”
we cannot heal
our children for them,
they need to learn
to hurt
to grow up
and to know
without a doubt
100%
we
as their mother
are just there for them,
breathing in their silence
and waiting
just as we did
when they were small
for their first words
to roll of their lips
and for our hearts
to know
they
will
be
ok

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hopefully, we become our parents at nautilus teachings

hopefully, we become our parents at nautilus teachings

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but you see,
we were
once
young too…
you see us
as so old,
knowing nothing,
never been
through anything,
unable to understand
how you think,
what you feel,
society today…
you have this notion
we were never poor
or struggling,
eating ramen noodles
mac and cheese
and hotdogs
every day…
what it feels like
to work long hours
for little pay,
to worry about
saving for a house
having babies
not getting enough sleep
or accepting
you just don’t believe
in organized religion
or our government…
if only we could hand you
a snow globe
a magic crystal ball
that let you see
exactly what we were like…
what our life was,
living on blow up furniture
boxes with towels
over them for tables
surviving on $12,000
a year
driving cars until
it fell apart
working 2 jobs
and going to school
taking your kids
to the local
health center for
free medical care
and using food stamps
because insurance
just was not in the books…

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you can’t see this
because
when you were born
into all of this
we loved
every inch of you
and you never knew
we were poor
or that you did without,
wore thrift shop clothes,
hand me downs,
even garage sale items…
nor did you care
that our tv was tiny
we had no cable
and that every night
you ate your favorite-
which was from a box
full of preservatives
and cheap…
life to you was
catching fireflies
playing basketball
in the rain
finding kittens
in the abandoned house
next door
picking wild blueberries
that grew alongside
our home
and making every gift you gave…
you were happy
and you were loved…
so what if the three of you
shared the same room
read each others books
played with the same toys
or rode a girls bike
even though you were
a boy…
you
just
did not
care
you
were
happy…
so when we send you
stupid stuff
to remind you
of the simplicity
of life
like bubbles
water balloons
colored markers
and letters
which say,
‘never grow up,
remember
what it is like
to be a kid…’
when we hang out
eating
grilled burgers and dogs
while we watch you
the next day
spend $12 on a wrap
filled mostly with lettuce,
understand
that when we get
to see you

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we furnish the fridge
with all you will ever need
hoping you will hang onto
the knowledge that
less is more
our love is unconditional
and mom’s
homemade free wraps
seriously are way better
than those made by
strangers…
so come in,
sit down with us
spend the time
eat our food
drink our liquor
laugh with us
listen
let us hold and
help you raise
your children…
with us
there will be no
video games
nook books
computer games
or fast food
with us
they will have
old movies
be read stories
board games
and meals
they can get
nowhere else
accept grandma
and grandpas…
so,
we get
that there is a huge gap
between our life
and yours,
we just will always believe
in old soft t-shirts with holes
doing chores
sharing stories
cooking for ourselves
fixing whatever is broken
and the dream
that one day
you too
will become
just like us…

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immunity from normalcy at nautilus teachings

immunity from normalcy at nautilus teachings

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they have arrived
full of energy,
excitement…
lunches in hand
some have their
siblings by their side
others their bff
and then there
are the ones
who are shy
quiet
and every time
i turn around
there they are
staring at me
with those big
pleading eyes
asking me
during break
“peel my orange?”
“open this for me?”
they tell me
about their art teachers
how they wish
i was theirs…
their tiny hands
are free flowing,
open minds
hold no rules,
ever busy lips
sharing the latest joke…
they stand or sit
but they are
never, ever still…
they are learning
to let paint
stay layer upon layer
without washing
their hands
to follow guidelines
in how to
manipulate mediums
but all they really care about
is,
“miss sheri, what is next…!!!”

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in every project
we undertake
their is a learning lesson…
today’s was about
how important it was
to share and spread
happiness…
they created a giving project
to share with someone
any one person who is sad
and to continue to make these
tiny gifts
on their own…
i love my
Bali kids summer art camp
i learn so much from them
and i,
like them
cannot wait for tomorrow
and always leave
thinking
“i want to sleep here
and soak up
the creativity…”
they want to stay
because they feel magic
accepted, loved
and never judged…
they know,
from day one
no matter what
they create
miss sheri will say,
“it is fabulous,
i love it…”
so,
to all the parents
who believe in art
and in me
who have trusted me
with their beautiful children
thank you…
and don’t forget
their time with me
allows them
immunity
from normalcy
standardization
and analysis
i don’t give awards
for anything
what they get is
absolute
consent
to be
exactly who they
were meant to be
and that
everyone
can create…

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youth in summertime at nautilus teachings

youth in summertime at nautilus teachings

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you see them
in the canals
in tiny boats
always in groups
of two or three
these
young boys
of the water…
fishing rods visible
sporting
bold colored baggies
loose hanging
t-shirts
they may be young
but their dreams
are big…
as they dock their
small craft
they begin the climb
up, up, up
to the top of
the boat dock deck
contemplating
can they be brave
enough to jump
like the older boys,
the ones who drive
kiss girls
and drink beer?
for a moment they stop
play air guitar
laugh out loud
pop open a pepsi
then sit in the chairs
usually held by
the big guys…
one of them decides
a back dive is needed
as he slowly places his toes
barely upon the deck
he looks to his friends
gives them a thumbs up
and falls into the water-
so much for the back dive!
another climbs up
one more time
looks the 25 feet down
upon the water
gazes at his friend
shrugs his shoulders
plugs his nose
nods,
when his friend says,
“wait…”

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the two of them
are now perched
upon the highest banister
each confirming
by a glance
we are doing this…
they spread their
arms out wide
and
BAM!
together they splash
into the water…
all three
continue this
right of passage
climbing to the highest peak
jumping one at a time
screaming to each other
on the way down
and grinning
ear to ear…
soon the dogs are
joining in on all the fun-
wet young boys
dripping dogs
sunshine
and life
in cocoa beach
along the shore
of many canals
now that summer
has finally hit….

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the waiting game at nautilus teachings

the waiting game at nautilus teachings

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we sit
and we wait…
in doctor’s offices
check out lines
at traffic lights
at the deli counter
or the ATM…
we watch
as people
sing along to music
talk on their phones
check emails
filling up every moment
of their life
with busy…
unending lists
too many
activities
long work hours
cramming
36 hours of play
into each 24 hour
weekend day…
then one day
as we begin to age
we notice
them-
the “old folks”
and elderly
who walk slowly
some with canes
others in walkers
still more in wheelchairs
they gather in grocery stores
and churches
having long conversations
about nothing really
just glad to see
someone their own age…
we walk past them
avoid them
maybe even think
they are in our way,
but there they are
and one day
we too
may be lucky enough
to be one of them
but right now
we feel impatient
like no-one is listening,
as if the whole world
is against us
and we can’t do anything right…

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the car breaks down
the AC goes out
we hate our job
even food
doesn’t taste as good…
it’s then
at this very moment
we see her
sitting patiently
smiling
waiting on????
nothing…
just for life to pass by
for the next meal
to be served
another bathroom break
or for a loved one
to visit…
she has already
moved on
from the rush rush rush
of what was her life,
to silence…
sure she wishes
she could walk again
pull up her own pants
just stand
all on her own
but she has accepted age…
so she reads
watches tv
does crosswords
chats with the other residents
jokes with the nurses
but inside her head
she is young,
running
walking
baking
dancing
loving…
she snoozes
on and off all day long
she waits
she prays
she asks God to let her die…
not wanting to be a burden
upon her family
financially, physically
or emotionally…
electronics are foreign
to most of the elderly
they have no idea
what online shopping is
let alone an email
facetime
facebook
or dating websites…
most can’t focus long enough
to even play a game any more…

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each day as we rush
from one place to the next
checking our to do lists
knowing it’s impossible to
get it all done
while our laundry sits
beckoning for a quick wash
the dogs have their legs crossed
because they need to go out
dinner will be leftovers
and how are we going to
squeeze in time
for the gym
let alone
their yearly doctor
and dentist visits…
she watches them
from afar
marveling at their youth
energy, stamina
organizations skills
and as they zip in and out
nearly tripping over
their own self
she giggles
rolls her eyes
and says,
“hey, i love you…”
at that moment they stop
sit down
kiss her cheek
hold her hand
and whisper
“i love you too,
more than you
will ever know…”
it’s time
it’s just really time
for each one of us
to love ourselves
by giving ourself
the gift of stillness…
10 minutes a day
be alone
quiet
no electronics
just be
amazing you…
because one day soon
they will be looking at you
sitting alone
book in hand
waiting for your next meal,
diaper change
and for one person
to stop what they’re doing
and come visit you
for just 10 minutes
of their life…

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